|
"Brenda
Webber's wedding? Didn't have time
to shave I suspect!!!"
In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come
back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You
do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that, too.
When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are
the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to
partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal
with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of
line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.
If you're a bear, a male EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yup...in my next life, I’m gonna be a bear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE NEXT JOKE
IS A NASTY NEIL JOKE AND MAY NOT AMUSE SOME PEOPLE. READER
DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.
Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able
to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know
how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very
well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire
Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him.
I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years,
but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and
verse, and the parrot will recite it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:
"Milton," she wrote the first son, "The house you built is so
huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole
house."
"Henry," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay
home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver
is so rude!"
"Dearest Neil," she wrote to her third son, "You were the only
son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes.
That chicken was delicious." |
